Sugar Rush What happens next
by A.L Hall
Summary: It's been six months since the end of season two. Kim is trying to come to terms with the changes around her - her new baby brother - her parents never dying habits, Matt's revelation, her relationship, and Sugar being back in prison...
1. Matt's Revelation

Sugar Rush - Series Three- Kim's point of view

Chapter One

Why is everyone so fucked up?

I mean, seriously. Take a look at my life so far.

By the time I got to fifteen years old, I was not only a virgin, not only a complete loser, but queer and in love with my best straight friend Sugar - the most beautiful girl in Brighton. My brother Matt, (he was eight at the time but now he's nearly twelve) spent most of his time painting himself, you heard right, accidentally took an overdose which was completely my fault, and in general is just a very strange child. My mum- otherwise known as Stella - fucked the decorator I was planning to shag to take my mind off Sugar, and my dad - Nathan - only found out when he caught crabs (which weren't even from Stella in the first place), and then my brother turned into a transvestite and my parents are swingers. Oh, and I forgot to mention, six months ago Stella had a baby.

That's right. A baby.

The one thing I can say about baby Dylan is that he is in fact my father's child. Looking at him now, in his little blue moses basket, as I shake a rattle above his head and his huge blue eyes - Stella's eyes - follow it - I wonder what's going to happen to the poor little shit when he realises what he's let himself in for by being the fastest swimmer of the bunch.

"Kim, darling?" It's Stella - from the kitchen - calling me. She emerges at the sliding glass doors in between the kitchen and living room, cigarette in one hand and glass of red wine in the other - she never learns. "What?" I snap - if I'm honest, it's my usual response.

"Can you keep an eye on the kids tonight -" she looks briefly at baby Dylan, who at the sight of her is clapping his hands crazily on his legs and has an enormous grin on his face (he's a really weird baby at times, he thinks Stella is great) - "me and your dad are going out for dinner."

"I was meant to be going to Saints -"

"Well, you can go tomorrow. I'll give you forty quid." she winks at me, turns away, makes her way back into the kitchen and shuts the doors behind her - I don't have a choice, in other words.

Before I can text Saint, my dad appears at the living room door, giving me a wide eyed stare. I look up at him and shake my head - as if to say - what now? But he shakes his head urgently. And from behind him, appears my brother, dressed to impress in Stella's best t-shirt and mini skirt. His hair has always grown ridiculously quickly, and in the past six months its just about touching his shoulders - his nails are painted red and he's sporting lipstick. He gives me a girlish wave and plonks down in the arm chair next to the TV. "I've got to talk to you all," he says.

Nathan sits down beside me, and Stella comes back from the kitchen to listen at the door. Matt beckons her in. "Mum - come here. Sit down. There's something you've got to know."

Stella barely bats an eyelid - she never does - but Nathan's on edge. He's rubbing his trouser legs ferociously, and he's looking at Stella.

"Go on," I say, picking up Dylan, who has started squawking, and rocking him. God knows I might as well be his mother sometimes.

"Well." Matt gets to his feet, folds his arms, begins to pace. "I've been feeling this way for a while now - and I've decided. I want -" he gulps - "I need to be a girl."

"Well you're already dressing like one, darling -" Stella starts, but I hush her.

"No. Not on a part time basis. I need to do this for real." He looks at us all as we stare at him blankly. No one says anything. We can't.

"From now on," Matt closes his eyes and sighs - "I would like to be referred to as Martine."

There's a deafening silence before Stella finally speaks up. "That's fine with me, sweetheart. But there's one thing I have to ask -" I wave a hand in her direction to shut her up. "Are you absolutely sure about this?" I ask Matthew, or Martine, concerned. "I mean- have you thought it through properly?"

"Kim-" he turns to me and stares seriously into my eyes - Matthew is the only one of the three of us to inherit dad's sorrowful chocolate brown eyes and dark hair, and in that moment he looks more pained - more beautiful - than I had ever seen him look. "I've thought about it. I can't go on like this. I need this life."

I stand up, not quite sure what to do - I pass Dylan to Stella - Nathan's got his head in his hands - and I walk up to Matt. "Come here." I step forward and gently touch his shoulder, but he shrugs away. "I'm sorry, Kim. I can't."

I nod, hurt, but I understand completely. Matt and I have a turbulent - and very much - love/hate relationship. But now I think I loved him more than I ever had in my life. I was finally starting to understand him. Or her, as I would have to begin referring to him as Martine. It was going to be difficult. But maybe not as difficult as it was now later down the line.

Stella, for once, is lost for words. But finally, she says, "if you have thought it through, then we will support you. Nathan?"

My dad raises his head, shakes it. "Sorry. It's going to take some getting used to."

I can understand my father's point of view as much as I can understand my siblings - for twelve years he has had a son, and that is, by the looks of it, about to change. "I'll take you to the doctors next week Matt - erm - love. We'll book an appointment for you."

Matt's eyes fill with tears. "Thank you, guys." He looks at us all before heading quietly out of the living room door, just before he gets there, turns around. "Sorry," he adds before he leaves.

I sink back down on the settee, trying to clear my cluttered thoughts. I'm starting to get a headache.

I forget to text Saint, and she shows up an hour after my parents have gone out for dinner - with their new "friends" Andy and Amy from next door but one. (They're already fucking two couples on this street - it could get more humiliating.) I get the door when it rings, open it, and forget about everything for a breathtaking moment as I see my girlfriend stood there. She looks absolutely gorgeous - as usual. Her eyes question mine. "Kim? Is everything okay? You forgot to get in touch."

"Sorry." I'm always breathless, always feel like I've been hit with the silly stick in front of her. I stand back. "Come in."

She does so, touching my hand gently as she does. The minute she gets to the living room, she begins cooing over Dylan - he loves Saint. He lifts his arms up and she picks him up and nuzzles him. "Hello, sweetheart."

I watch her from the hallway door for a minute, smiling, imagining what I already know - that Saint would make a fantastic mother to our children. She sees me looking and blushes. I smile and sink back into my favourite spot. She sits beside me and bounces Dylan on her knee. She's wearing her black winter coat, the new one that reaches all the way down to her knees - and its open. Underneath it, she's got on one of her favourite black and white stripy vest tops - and she's wearing the unique moonstone necklace I gave her for her twenty fifth birthday last week. I watch her, knees going weak. I love her, oh I do love her. So much.

She kisses Dylan on the nose - he grabs a chunk of her black hair and screeches with delight. She turns to me. "Whats going on, Kim?" she passes me Dylan and I put him gently back into his Moses basket. "I -" I cant speak, and then the tears are flowing. Before I can stop them. There's nothing to do but rest my head on her knees and cry. She strokes my hair, rocks me. "Shh, baby," she mumbles, showering my forehead with soft kisses. "Shh."

I don't know what to tell her - I'm so confused. About Matt, about everything.

Everything but her. I trace her tattoos - I love each and every one of them. "Saint." Just saying her name calms me, but I'm still shaking.

"Tell me what's happened," she whispered. I do. I sit up and tell her how I'm worried - about Matt, or Martine - about my parents. About Sugar.

Sugar. In all of this mess I've been caught up in, I neglected to tell you about whats happened to Sugar.

She's back in prison.


	2. Betrayed

Sugar Rush- Chapter Two

"What do you want?" Sugar asks moodily as I sit down opposite her. Honestly, I don't know why I bother sometimes. I shift uncomfortably as I look at her - I'm no longer particularly attracted to Sugar (am I?) but the sight of her breasts in that little black tank top give me a little shiver - one that I used to feel every time she looked at me. "Just thought I would come and see you - how you are, and that."

Sugar lights up a cigarette, lets it hang from her mouth for a couple of seconds as she scratches her armpit - typical Sugar style. "I haven't seen Mark in two weeks."

"Mark hasn't been in touch?" Mark is her boyfriend of nine months, (not including the patch they had broken up and got back together). He's Saint's ex - long story) and he's absolutely nuts on Sugar. She's nuts on him too - as far as I'm aware she hasn't even cheated yet.

"No. He hasn't." She rolls her eyes, takes another puff on her cigarette. "They're all the same, men. Bastards." She shoots me a sly glance. "Not that that means I'm turning gay. Which is a fucking miracle in here."

I can't help laughing - she's so dry sometimes, our Sugar. This is - as you know - the second time she's been in prison - the first time for attacking someone with a glass bottle - (this to me seemed perfectly acceptable as it was in self defence in the first place) and this time for extortion, drug offences and burglary - a triple whammy.

Today she looks ill - like she hasn't slept in days. I reach across and take her hand, but she drags it away. I look at her, hurt. "What?" she whispers. "I don't need another sodding girl touching me up, thanks!"

I roll my eyes, look out of the window. It's thunder and lightning out there. It's horrible. I'm not particularly relishing the thought of going back out once the hour is up. Sugar's voice breaks my thought. "Earth to Kim? How's Saint?"

"Oh, she's good." I sound too convincing -far too bright, and she narrows her eyes at me. "Hows your nuts family? It's insane, I haven't even met your baby brother yet." She looks glumly at the table. At that moment, I don't know whether to slap her for being so stupid as to end up back in here, or to wrap her in the cuddle that I know deep down she desperately needs. I tilt my head to the side, watch her. "They're not bad." I pick a piece of fluff off my jumper. "Matt came out yesterday - as transgendered."

"Shit, you're joking." she chokes on her cigarette smoke. "Poor fucking kid!"

"I know." I swallow the lump in my throat. "It's been really tough on him -"

"Her," she corrects me, graciously.

"Her."

"Bless her." It's not a comment usually made by Sugar in the most civilised conversations I have with her. She looks at me. "What? One of Mark's friends went through the same thing." She points below. "She's been seen to, and that." She makes a strange gesture with her free hand - the one that isn't holding the cigarette. "You know. She's had her dick turned inside out and she's got tits bigger than mine - it's offensive!"

I smile.

"She's happy with her boyfriend. And she's really pretty. You would never know. It was a bit weird for Mark - you know, it was one of his best mates at school. Known each other since they were this big." She holds her hand out next to the table. "Bizarre for him at first - but - you know. They still love each other." She looks back at the table. "I'm sure Matt will be fine. I mean - he's - she's - very young."

This is one of the first time Sugar has ever tried to make me feel better and succeeded. "There's loads of stuff they can do now. How'd your parents take it?"

"Stella was fine. Nathan hasn't mentioned it, but he did say he would take Matt - Martine- to the doctors. This morning Stella was calling Matt by his new name and even took him upstairs to give him some of her old clothes. She's being really weird at the moment. Nice. She gave him a proper make over, and he's going out shopping with her and me tomorrow for the first time since he's come out."

"As much as you bitch about your mum, Kim, she can be pretty good at times."

"Yeah, when her and my dad aren't swinging from the lamp shades in the houses on our street and riding their next door neighbours, they can be pretty laid back. Since Stella had Dylan she's definitely changed. She still drinks and smokes way too much, but she's making an effort with me and -" I take a deep breath - "my sister, too."

Sugar takes my hand. Her skin's cool, despite the boiling hot coming from the heating. "It'll be okay, you know."

I remember all of the times Sugar has held me in her arms and told me everything would be okay. The time when her bloody muff nits nearly split my parents up, the time she found out Stella was screwing Dale, the time my brother took an overdose. The time that her and I - that she and me - you know. Slept together.

My face is growing hot.

"You're thinking about shagging me again, aren't you?" Sugar grins.

We both crack up.

That night, I dress up and go to spend a couple of intimate hours - ha ha - with my girlfriend at the CC club where she DJ's by night. (Sex shop owner by day - how amazing is that? I mean, really?) She is, as usual, surrounded by women, one in particular I don't like the look of at all- an extremely attractive blond lesbian who looks older than me - and absolutely gorgeous. I sit at the bar and hide behind Anna- (slag of the CC, works her way preying on innocent young girls - bit of a sicko really - although she is charming and beautiful, and had her wicked way with me before disposing me for another young girl, who she then disposed of for a girl named Melissa at my old college). I watch this blond talking to Saint - hand on her arm, gazing into her eyes, and I feel my jealousy spiralling out of control. Saint embraces the girl, takes her cheek in her hand, whispers something into the girl's ear. I feel sick.

What on earth is going on?


	3. Humiliation

(I do not own any character or song)

Chapter Three

Saint finally lets go of the blond, and they both disappear behind the curtains - "Turn This Club Around" is playing; by, I think it's R.I.O - I don't care; my head's spinning, I knock my vodka and cranberry all over Anna as I stand up and don't stop to apologise - I'm making my way to those curtains back stage where Saint's disappeared hand in hand with this blond bitch of hers - I can't think - only I'm being stopped by security. "That's staff only, love."

I shove his hand away and ignore him, but he takes me by the shoulders and pushes me back. "I just said staff only."

"But - but she's my girlfriend -"

And then Saint emerges from the curtains and she's not with the blonde any more - she has a lipstick shape on her cheek where the blonde has kissed her, and she looks at me guiltily, and I lose the plot.

For what feels like hours, I stand there and scream at her, until the security guard has had enough, takes me by the shoulders and leads me out of the CC. I kick of so badly that everyone's staring - even people I know like Letty and Anna - I try and force my way out of the security guard's grip, but I can't - he's way too strong - Saint's just looking at me so sadly, so sorrowfully - but she's not following me. Once outside, I get dumped on to the beach like a piece of garbage by the enormous security guard. I scream at him, but it doesn't help matters at all. Not in the slightest - he just laughs at me, says something along the lines that I'm a stupid cow, and leaves. People are staring. People queuing up are whispering. Some are laughing. My head is spinning. "Will you all fuck off!" I roar - they stop laughing - and I turn to stumble down the beach. I'm fuming so badly that I reach out for something to punch - there's nothing around me in close proximity. I bend over, thinking about the way Saint was looking at that girl. I'm not that badly intoxicated but I vomit - and vomit - all my drink and dinner emerging in hot chunks, not caring that it is all splashing down my dress and new shoes - I don't care. I collapse weakly onto the sand a few paces away, crying. There's nothing inside me - I feel so empty, particularly now I've been sick, and my stomach is cramping in sickening waves. I can still hear that damn song playing from inside the CC.

"We gonna make our bitches work it on the floor

When I see my sexy lady screaming "Give me more -"

I can't block it out. I can't hear anything else. I keep thinking someone is screaming my name, but I can't, won't, get up and make sure in case I'm dreaming.

"Rock that booty make me lose my mind,

My rock is loaded with champagne every Saturday night

We can turn this club around, gonna burn it, burn it -"

"Kim! For Gods sake!"

I know that voice. It's my Saint. But I don't want to hear it.

Someones shaking me violently. "Kim? Oh, for Christ sake, don't do this to me!"

I turn on my back, look up at her. "What the fuck were you doing?" I ask her, weakly, wiping excess vomit from around my mouth with my bare hand.

"You didn't have to speak to me like that in front of other staff," she snapped, looking frighteningly hostile. "It was extremely humiliating, Kim. Get off the fucking floor." I do so, stand up, waver slightly. I'm more pissed than I initially thought. I don't take her hand. I stare at her. "Who was that?"

She looks at me dead in the eye, and folds her arm. "I wouldn't cheat on you, Kim. I thought we had already established this. I love you. You drive me insane and truly anger me sometimes. But I love you."

I try to reach out for her but she takes a step backwards, and I grab thin air and nearly topple over. "That was my best friend from college. Her name is Alison. She texted me and told me she was spending a week in Brighton- and I told her to come and see me. It wasn't what you thought."

I can't speak. I'm so embarrassed. I look away, ignore a tear rolling down my cheek.

"You need to do something about your jealousy, Kim. If you remember rightly, you were the one that kissed another girl. Not me."

I can't look at her. She turns and walks away, and that is that. There's no point trying to call out for her. She won't listen, I know she won't.

I call a cab home - go straight to bed, but I can't sleep. I toss and turn. At three thirty, Matt enters my bedroom, and sits on my bed. I reach out and take his hand. "Kim? Can I please have a cuddle?"

"Of course you can." I sit straight up in bed and pull him towards me. And once he's in my arms, sobbing quietly into my pyjama top - he is my best friend, and I can't let him go.

We stay like that for most of the night, until he finally drops asleep in my arms.


	4. Heartbreak

Life isn't easy. Everyone knows that. But round about now, I'm slipping back into old habits. I think Stella and Nathan are giving up. They don't know what to do with me. I'm at the CC every night of the week - but its been four days since I heard from Saint, and it's driving me wild with paranoia. I know I've messed up, and she knows I'm right. There have been some shady moments in my past which are impossible to forget. The one that sticks out is the night I swallowed a horse tranquilliser after saint caught me smooching a stupid girl named Montana - (as I said before, some people just have a knack of getting your attention.) I swear, that was the creepiest time of my life. Honestly, it is. Imagine being off your face and wandering around a beach at three in the morning, as twisted shapes and hallucinations of people you know telling you what you think they honestly wonder about you form in front of your eyes. Matt asking why all my girlfriend disappear, Stella telling me that she will give me fifty quid if I stay out of her life, Nathan telling me he loves having a gay daughter, Saint hitting me over the head with a baseball bat - and then waking up in the hospital the following morning surrounded by your own thoughts and nothing else.

I'm in the living room staring into space when Stella storms through the door followed closely by Nathan, whose face is drip white and whose mouth is a stubborn line. They barely notice I'm sat there, barely notice that their baby is - or was - fast asleep. "I didn't realise, you stupid little man!" Stella turns and screams in my dad's face. "I didn't know it was going to be HIM!"

There's no point in asking. I just listen.

"oh, blond, blue eyed, muscular, works in decorating, looking for an older couple so he can satisfy his naughty mummy fantasies? Are you taking the mick?" Nathan slams his keys down on the wooden coffee table so violently that they play a tune. "And you wanted to stay! I can't believe you!"

"Well he has a girlfriend now, and a child, doesn't he?" Stella snarls, ripping off her winter jacket and hurling it in Nathan's face. "For fuck sake Nathan, get a grip. It was a long time ago."

"Oh, yeah?" Nathan's struggling with himself. "A long time ago that you decided to have an affair with the decorator, who took you up the arse on our kitchen table, and you're willing to do it again with me there, JUST because he has a girlfriend?"

"For fuck sake!" I yell, suddenly finding it unbearable to be in the same room. "Just shut up!" I jump to my feet.

They look at me as though only noticing I'm there. "Kim? There's no need to be so-"

"Angry and swear all the time. I was having a discussion with-"

"Your father!"

They got to the point where they started finishing each other's sentences a few months before Dylan was born. Usually its funny. Now it was irritating.

Dylan wakes up, turns bright red in the face, and begins bellowing at the top of his tiny little lungs. I pick him up, batting Stella's hand away. "Leave him!"

"Kim, there's no need to be so hostile towards your mother!"

I roll my eyes and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me (as easily as I can with my six month old brother in my arms). I suddenly realise I can't stand being in the same house as them when they are like this, let alone the same room. I take Dylan upstairs, rock him until he falls silent and gurgles instead, then place him gently in his cot and turn to leave. In my room, I put on my favourite maroon hoodie, and a scarf because it's freezing. I'm gone out of the door before anyone can complain, not that they've noticed. They're still at it. Who needs them? I think, kicking up fallen autumn leaves. I'm fed up, and I don't know where I'm going. Will anything ever change? I ask myself, not for the first time. Will it ever all get better? Or will it just keep getting worse?

Suddenly my phone's ringing. I fumble for it, heart flipping over when I see whose calling me. "Saint? Hi!"

"What are you up to now, Kim?" She says in a monotone.

"Nothing - why?"

"Come to my house. I need to talk to you."

And she hangs up.

I'm running then, heart soaring joyfully at the sound of my beloved girlfriend's voice. I nearly trip, but I don't care, I'm so anxious to see her. When I finally arrive at the Munch Box and buzz at the door, she lets me in without speaking. Upstairs, sat with her, my heart's hammering. I reach for her and pull her close, but she responds like she's made of stone. Her face is neutral. "Sit down, Kim."

I sit, wondering what I could have possibly done now.

She sits at the opposite end of the settee, clasps her hands between her legs. "I've been thinking about this for a while. "I think you and I have come to our end."

My heart flips again, but it's more of a palpitation, a very, very unpleasant one. I open my mouth, but I can't speak.

She looks at me, eyes telling a different story than the one she's telling. "I feel like for a while we've been falling apart, and I can't string you along any more. I'm sorry, Kim."

"But - I love you," I murmur, eyes flooding before I can stop them.

She looks away, doesn't speak.

"Is this because of the other night?" I gasp."God sake, Saint, I was just being stupid - I'm sorry -"

"Its not like that, Kim." She looks mildly angry now. "It's been happening for ages. I've still never forgotten the fact that you cheated on me. I'll never be able to let that one go. How hypocritical you are sometimes. How you accused me of being straight all those months ago just because I have an ex boyfriend. All the things you do, Kim. I start thinking of them when I'm on my own sometimes, and the truth is, it all drives me crazy."

"But -" I sputter.

She holds up one hand to silence me. "I'm too old to go partying with my friends, Kim. I should have hung up my party shoes years ago, and found someone my own age who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. We're just never going to work. That's why we need to nip it in the bud, now. Right now."

I can't speak. I can hardly look at her. I want to cuddle her, tell her I'm sorry for causing her any distress, then go and throw myself off the pier. I can't live without her. Anger replaces hurt and bubbles over inside of me. "Or all of this is because of that girl." I spit suddenly. "That gold digging whore from the other night. It's her, isn't it? You loved me before she came along. She's a relationship wrecking little bitch." I stand up, and punch the closest thing to me - the huge red and black lamp that Saint's mother gave her when she was in her teens, before she died. It falls to the floor - i hold my breath - and smashes. Saint doesn't speak. I looks at her again. "Tell me it's not because of her. Just tell me you haven't fallen in love with her."

Saint looks me directly in the eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry, Kim. I can't say that." And her eyes are hard, cold, dead, so unlike the Saint I know, and mine won't stop spurting tears. With one last final cry, I turn and flee from her flat, not looking back as I run down the sea front. Not once.


End file.
